I've been sitting on this blog for a while, wondering exactly what I wanted to do with it, then my faith was called into question this past weekend. This was the first time that this had happened to me, but from what I've been told, and from what I've observed, these types of accusations have become increasingly common both in social media, blogs, and editorials. What stung a little was not only the accusation, but the use of two different conference talks to support the attack, one being Pres. Uchtdorf's "Come, Join with Us" talk (commonly referred to as the doubt your doubts talk), and the other, "Stay in the Boat and Hold On!" from Elder Ballard. Both attempt to help those that struggle with the Church, but regularly Pres. Uchtdorf's talk is used as ammunition to attack those that have doubts, and Elder Ballard's was used in a way toward me to imply that if I didn't get in the boat, shut up, and fall in line (with that persons view of doctrine), or I should just get off the boat.
Before I received the message, I had spent the day in my graduate "Social Justice" class, and was already somewhat emotionally raw. I was able to share some of my experiences of being what I know see as being a passive racist, and my experiences led me towards something I hope is what Mellody Hobson refers to as "Color Brave." And a large part of that journey was learning how to look outside of myself and actively assess how my actions, behaviors, and words affected other people.
We all want believe that we are good people, and I think that can prevent us from honest self-reflection. Being color-blind, and hating the sin, but loving the sinner, are two of ways of convincing ourselves that we are good people. The problem with these arguments, is that they are often the starting point for dismissing others concerns, and distancing us from the empathy and charity we should be practicing.
So, how does this all fit into what happened to me this weekend, and what exactly do I hope to do with the blog?
The reason the accusation was thrown my way was during a Facebook conversation about the ramifications of things said at the recent General Conference, and subsequent edits concerning the Women's Session. To be clear, I do support the conversation groups like Ordain Women are trying to have about women's role in the Church, while not particularly agreeing with their conclusions as to what the outcomes should be. Some, however, see the conversation itself as a threat, and because of it, get defensive immediately, dismiss the value of even having the conversation to begin with, and telling the person that they risk being like Simons Ryder. He might be a good example to use during a Sunday School lesson about Church History, but he is a terrible example to use when talking to someone who is struggling with doubts. (And yes, he was used against me.)
What if, instead of retreating immediately to our defensive stance, we instead listened, and acknowledged the other person's feelings as authentic?
What if, instead of immediately trying to "fix" their doubts, we tried to help them maintain the stronger parts of their testimony.
What if, instead of telling those that are trying to stay on the boat that they are holding on to the side wrong, (and if they get back in, they can only sit or stand in a certain way), we let them have their doubts, and explore their faith, but in the boat, in a place of refuge and love.
Letting them have their doubts can be scary, but doubts are more likely to lead to stronger and deeper testimonies when they are confronted with members by their side instead of in their faces.
To be clear, I do not have doubts, even though my views tend to lean a little more left than your average Mormon (hey, the title!), but there are members that do who feel like that don't matter. That is unacceptable, and that is why I try to participate in conversations that are difficult.
