On finding my faith, and being at peace with it.

When stripped away of feelings, confirmations, and whispers, belief at its core is absurd. I'm not just talking about religions that believe in a higher power; believing that there isn't a higher power is equally absurd, because objectively, there is no way to prove things one way or another. Until the heavens open and someone comes down, be it Thor, Zeus, Allah, or Heavenly Father, we have to trust in those feelings, confirmations, and whispers to influence our belief in our worldview.

This belief then turns to faith, which as we like to say in Sunday School, is belief in action. Faith is how we let our belief shape us. However, when we allow our belief to shape us in a way that begins to deny objective facts, we begin to detach ourselves from the shared experience of existence, and deny others access to an honest exchange of ideas that can help relationships grow, and that foster mutual understanding even when there may be disagreement.

For a long time, I thought I had things figured out, and was unable to see how someone could not just see the logical conclusions that I had arrived at. I was unable to see the absurdity in it, and therefore cut myself off from understanding others.

Now, regardless of what your opinion of Orson Scott Card is, Ender's Game is an amazing book, and somewhat ironically, helped me on my way towards becoming that liberal-for-a-mormon I am now. It was the first book that I read that helped me understand empathy. In order to defeat his enemies, be it bullies or aliens, Ender had to learn to think like them, which in the end, led to him learning how to love them. This in turn led him to becoming the Speaker for the Dead, which is the ultimate display empathy.

Ender’s story helped me to understand my middle-namesake, Ammon, better. Essentially, he became a Lamanite ally. He put away his stereotypes of the Lamanites being heathen and evil, and saw them for what they were, sons and daughters of God. Now, the thing about being an ally is that you don't have to ditch who you are to acknowledge the experiences of others, just like Ammon acknowledging the Great Spirit that King Lamoni believed in. When you become an ally, you end up finding out how much you have in common with a perceived other.

So what does this have to do with belief being absurd? Acknowledging that others view my belief as absurd, has allowed me to realize that I don't rely on any logical conclusions, but that I have to rely on faith, because I can never, objectively, know and prove that what I believe in is true. And I would not be able to come to that conclusion if I had not started to learn empathy, and love the people I viewed as others.

It is this combination of absurdity and faith that has allowed me to search for my faith anchors. In some cases they are my belay to the Iron Rod when I have the urge to let go as the pull between my religious affiliation and my understanding of human nature strengthens.

Through all of that, the easy question is, why don't I just leave my church, and I think I speak for most liberal leaning members when I say that that isn't an option. I do have faith that I have had experiences that testify that the Church is true, that I just can't accept as confirmation bias. I love the Church and the people in it despite having deep reservations about how certain groups are being treated, or have been treated in the past.

This faith lives next to my support for issues that are outside my religious mainstream, which has helped me step back and see the absurdity of both. This is how I live with my cognitive dissonance, and this is why I persist in belonging to and loving two increasingly opposing positions. Because life is absurd, the only thing we can do is love one another, and in the end if there is hate in my heart I don't think I would be comfortable meeting my Maker.

No matter how absurd that idea may be, it is the one I decide to place my faith in.

Pseudo-Voltaire and Religious Freedom

My long journey toward becoming a francophile started with a lie. In some quote book in our house growing up, there was a quote by Voltaire, "I may not agree with what you believe, but I will defend to the death your right to believe it." He didn't say that. That being said, I thought, and still think it's a good mantra to keep in the back of your mind.

It's good because it is a very basic template for respecting other people. It's also good because in France, not being Catholic could get you killed, or at least lose everything. Just ask the Huguenots in La Rochelle, how they would've liked a little bit of religious tolerance.

Religious tolerance was one of the noble reasons why Europeans started migrating en masse to the Americas. Pilgrims hopped around until they finally landed at Plymouth Rock. Freedom to choose an practice one's own religion was also the first rights given to in the Constitution, it's some pretty awesome stuff.

Speaking of awesome stuff, I like cake. Give me a slice of cake instead of a cupcake any day (or better yet, give me both, even more awesome). But the problem with cake is that gay people like it too, and surprisingly they like it at their weddings. Bakers who disagree with same-sex marriage have refused to accommodate these couples, lawsuits have followed, and the bakers lose. The question being, where does one person's rights start, and the other's end? I'm not a constitutional law scholar, nor do I play one on TV, but this is how I see it.

Once upon a time, there were places that Blacks could not go, or if they went, there were certain places they had to be, which was often sub-par in comparison to where Whites were. Blacks and Whites couldn't marry. Blacks, once they could vote, often had to pass impossible tests in order to register. Like the same-sex question, religion was one of the arguments for these practice, as it was for slavery. Eventually, we figured out that this was a bad idea, and what subsequently happened was that the privileged, and un-privileged were slowly brought to a level playing field.

I do believe that if you open your doors for business, you open them for everyone. Putting a sign on your door restricting access is the same as it was during Segregation. It is wrong and it is dehumanizing. I strongly believe that we are created equal, and that we are due the respect that being a Child of God should bring regardless of background. Again, the socially privileged are starting to have to give up that status so that others can be brought up to the same level as them.

In the end that loss of privilege, is what is hurting so bad. God is no respecter of persons, and government should be no respecter of religions in the same way.

This brings me to what has been bothering me over the past day or so. Several church leaders held a press conference in support of LGBT rights in cases like housing, the workplace, and public transit. Fantastic!! What a perfectly good stance to have! Then they started talking about freedom of religion. Possibly some clear protections should be put in place. I don't believe that clergy should be forced to perform a marriage they disagree with, nor should they be forced to rent out their chapels for the same. Religious organizations should be able to practice according to their own conscience, even if that involves discrimination. However, it didn't feel like this was what they were talking about.

The examples given seemed more about protecting private enterprise or individuals from having to treat others equally. If that is allowed, it's not a stretch to imagine gays not being able sit at certain tables in a restaurant. To avoid too much of a slippery slope, I do think that there should be protections from having to post messages that go against a business owner's beliefs. Make the gay wedding cake, but not have to write, "Gay sex is the best sex!" Or in another, actual case make a cake that says, "God hates gays." (Full disclosure, I read about this compromise here.)

As I wrap up, I do want to say that I support the church leadership, and I won't hesitate to raise my hand to confirm them. It just feels like this Church announcement was brought to us by Fox News. And like Fox News, the Voltaire quote above might be fake (zing!), so, I've decided to adjust it to better reflect how I feel about the rights of others: I may not yet know how everything fits together, but I will defend to the death your right to be who you are, and your right to be treated fairly.